So I finally did it, I finally gave in, I lost control and then I gained it. I binged today.
I am going to share because I think it is important. This is a tough process. I am personally going through a lot right now between home, work and life. I am sure not more than the average person out there but for me it is not normal.
I have been told by a few people, in the nicest way possible, that I am emotion less. I am very black and white, no room for grey. So when I do show stress it is real.
I had a talk with my husband last night and we decided that I would postpone my first show until March. For a few reasons, but major is the stress. I don’t need added stress right now. We just put our house up for sale and it is going to be a stressful time. So don’t take away my carbs!!
But then after meeting with my coach this morning she reminded me of how far I have come, and how close I am. I am 6 weeks out! I have been working with her since March of this year so yes I have come a long way!
But full circle, why then did I binge today?!? I felt out of control, and when you start with one bite, then two it ends up you are shoving things in your mouth you don’t even want!!
I needed it, more emotionally than physically. Physically I felt high, my veins were popping out of my arms! All the carbs, all the sugar!
But now I am done. That’s the key, recognize and then quickly move on (right Kathy?)
I LOVE the SAje Natural Wellness store! My sister-in-law introduced me last fall when we were downtown Vancouver. I had seen it before, but never been in one.
Now I own, 3 Nebulizers and a variety of difference essential oils. We use one in our master bedroom, one in the kitchen and another in my son’s bedroom.
The last time I was in, I came across a new product that I hadn’t seen before. Crave Away which is an essential oil that helps to deal with food cravings – Sign me UP!
“A wholistic way to transform your relationship with food and support balanced eating habits. Inhale deeply an essential oil blend of pleasant food aromas to signal contentment to the brain and satiation to the body. The sweet aroma of benzoin and the licorice spice fragrance of fennel blend to calm the nervous system, minimize emotional eating, and prevent overindulgence.”
I smells amazing, and I now keep it in my purse so that I can grab it quick and inhale deeply when I feel a craving coming on. You can also dab a bit on your wrist, and smell when needed – I do this in the car 🙂
It has been a weird week, I was explaining to a friend of mine this morning that I have been coming home after work and questioning if I cheated on my meal plan that day?!? I have to stop and really think about it. I know I didn’t but my mind is playing tricks on me. I have been taking a break from the office daily to grab a coffee, or go for a drive and every time I think – hmm I should get a treat. One cookie, doughnut or pack of Twizzlers is not going to kill me. I don’t act on these thoughts, I order my black coffee and go but for some reason my brain thinks maybe I did!
Each time I have these thoughts, I make a choice. My choice is not to give into my temptations. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, I am not depriving myself of food – no one needs doughnuts. I choose to fill myself up with vegetables, protein and good carbs.
There is a lot going on in my life right now, between work and home. We have decided to sell our house in the middle of my prep, smart – probably not but it is time and needs to be done. Will it throw off my prep? Maybe! But I will try my best not to let it. I will keep focused on my prep and hopefully everything else will fall into place. This show gives me something to focus on, to take my mind away from all the realities of life. Because I know that what I am doing is not reality, it is a dream. A dream that will come true, but then fade away.
I discovered something interesting this past weekend that got me thinking!?! I use yams or sweet potatoes for one of my starchy carbs during my day and the amount changes weekly. This particular day I needed 108g of yams/sweet potato. I normally have been taking the easy (lazy) way to cook them and putting them into my slow cooker when I cook my meats. When I weigh them out I get about 2-3 1″x1″ cubes – hardly enough to even count! And trust me some days I think “what is the point!” but as the weeks go on I will take every gram I can get.
This time, I used my new fancy Spiral Vegetable Slicer to make sweet potato curly fries. I was super excited and I believe I used 2 small sweet potatoes to fill a baking tray. I popped them into the oven for about 10 mins, watching carefully because they cut very thin. When I took them out to weigh them, to my surprise the WHOLE tray weighed 107g. How could this be??
Yes, it was too good to be true – but luckily I found that out AFTER I ate them – LOL! I thought that maybe I had weighed them wrong before – out of the slow cooker with all the extra moisture. But no sadly, that is the correct way to weigh them and the way I had done it in the oven dehydrates them so the macros would be as if you are eating the whole sweet potato – obviously right?!!
At night is when I question this process the most. I guess because I have time to think about it.
Normally, my day is so busy, I focus more on remembering to eat than think about the why? I don’t question so much the program, the workouts, food or supplements; after all I go to reputable people who have been in this industry for 20+ years and I trust them. I think it is “how is my body going to get there in that amount of time?”
I am approaching 8 weeks out from competition and to some that sounds like a long time; 8 weeks, 2 months, 60 days. A lot can happen in that time! I think what I have learned so far is that it goes in waves, highs, lows and plateaus. Your body either reacts or it doesn’t. If it doesn’t you change, modify and continue on.
I am so curious to see what the next 8 weeks brings and what my “package” will look like.
I feel like my world revolves around the gym and food right now, and really it kind of does. But there is more to life, and I know that. Monday was a prime example of how days go sideways and sometimes you just have to roll with it.
The morning routine at our house right now is gym for me first, alarm goes off at 4:10am and I get up to get ready and be at the gym (sometimes pounding at the door) at 5am. I have to be home by 7am for my husband to switch with me – 2 year olds can’t watch themselves – and then I try to shower and get ready before the rugrat gets up around 7:30am.
Monday morning I could only do my 1hr cardio because I needed to be at work early to leave early and pick up my car getting fixed. GET ON WITH IT ALREADY RIGHT!??! Well that left me to do my weights at night.
I got all my meals in during the day, had a shake when I got home, picked up my car, had supper and then headed to the gym around 8:00pm. This way the kid is down and hubby can relax. But holy cow I forgot that the gym turns into a night club after dark! I was supposed to do legs but heck no was I going to attempt that. I ended up securing a cable and went to work on back and biceps.
I was home by about 9pm and had my last meal of the day – protein and water, made into a cake. I don’t think I fell asleep until past 10pm which is super late for me! So, 4:10am Tuesday morning was SUPER early.