I wrote this a few days ago, and I was honestly afraid to post it. But now maybe because it is New Years Eve, I need to get over it. I need to get over my fears.
“Stop and Remember: Whatever is going on in your mind, you are attracting.”
So, with that said I am not attracting the negative. I am done with extremes and I am ready to move on. Here is my post from the other night. Enjoy!
I have so much to say but don’t know where to start…bullet points, that might work!
- What a year!! Let’s be done with it 😉
- Completed my first Figure Show
- Hired a new coach, to do another show? I don’t know?
- Went off the rails – LOL – yup!
Let’s go with the last point because that is the what is hitting me NOW! The days leading up the Christmas have gotten progressively worse. Everyday and extra bite of something. I had told my new coach (see third point) that I only know extremes – extreme highs and extreme lows – I don’t know where the middle of the road is. There is no grey in my life, just black and white.
She gave me a meal plan, and a workout plan for December. This is off season, no show in mind yet for 2015. We need to work on some areas and we are slowly increase my food and decreasing all the cardio.
The weeks leading up to my show, which was November 8, 2014, I was doing 1hr20mins cardio and my carbs and fats were at a record low. I was doing what I though was needed to get me on stage. And I did, I stepped on stage that day very proud of my accomplishments! I didn’t have a care in the world, 1st, 5th or 10th it didn’t matter. It was the experience backstage, on stage and the Boston Pizza foodathon that followed. It was my Dad’s waffles for breakfast the next day and candy and pizza and whatever I wanted.
Is that the way it should be done, no probably not but I didn’t care – I had put in the work for 16 weeks to get myself down to a record low of 145lbs and 12% body fat. Never in my life had I felt so small, but so powerful. I felt beautiful and ugly at the same time. It was, and still is a whirl win of emotions.
So, what brings me to today? I just feel huge, and I haven’t even had Christmas dinner. But I can’t stop myself. It is like this is the last time I will have these items that I am craving?!? I am having a hard time allowing myself little pleasures, I just resort to extremes.