‘Twas the night before, before Christmas

I wrote this a few days ago, and I was honestly afraid to post it. But now maybe because it is New Years Eve, I need to get over it. I need to get over my fears.

“Stop and Remember: Whatever is going on in your mind, you are attracting.”

So, with that said I am not attracting the negative. I am done with extremes and I am ready to move on. Here is my post from the other night. Enjoy!

I have so much to say but don’t know where to start…bullet points, that might work!

  • What a year!! Let’s be done with it 😉
  • Completed my first Figure Show
  • Hired a new coach, to do another show? I don’t know?
  • Went off the rails – LOL – yup!

Let’s go with the last point because that is the what is hitting me NOW! The days leading up the Christmas have gotten progressively worse. Everyday and extra bite of something. I had told my new coach (see third point) that I only know extremes – extreme highs and extreme lows – I don’t know where the middle of the road is. There is no grey in my life, just black and white.

She gave me a meal plan, and a workout plan for December. This is off season, no show in mind yet for 2015. We need to work on some areas and we are slowly increase my food and decreasing all the cardio.

The weeks leading up to my show, which was November 8, 2014, I was doing 1hr20mins cardio and my carbs and fats were at a record low. I was doing what I though was needed to get me on stage. And I did, I stepped on stage that day very proud of my accomplishments! I didn’t have a care in the world, 1st, 5th or 10th it didn’t matter. It was the experience backstage, on stage and the Boston Pizza foodathon that followed. It was my Dad’s waffles for breakfast the next day and candy and pizza and whatever I wanted.

Is that the way it should be done, no probably not but I didn’t care – I had put in the work for 16 weeks to get myself down to a record low of 145lbs and 12% body fat. Never in my life had I felt so small, but so powerful. I felt beautiful and ugly at the same time. It was, and still is a whirl win of emotions.

So, what brings me to today? I just feel huge, and I haven’t even had Christmas dinner. But I can’t stop myself. It is like this is the last time I will have these items that I am craving?!? I am having a hard time allowing myself little pleasures, I just resort to extremes.


Finally human

So I finally did it, I finally gave in, I lost control and then I gained it. I binged today.

I am going to share because I think it is important. This is a tough process. I am personally going through a lot right now between home, work and life. I am sure not more than the average person out there but for me it is not normal.

I have been told by a few people, in the nicest way possible, that I am emotion less. I am very black and white, no room for grey. So when I do show stress it is real.

I had a talk with my husband last night and we decided that I would postpone my first show until March. For a few reasons, but major is the stress. I don’t need added stress right now. We just put our house up for sale and it is going to be a stressful time. So don’t take away my carbs!!

But then after meeting with my coach this morning she reminded me of how far I have come, and how close I am. I am 6 weeks out! I have been working with her since March of this year so yes I have come a long way!

But full circle, why then did I binge today?!? I felt out of control, and when you start with one bite, then two it ends up you are shoving things in your mouth you don’t even want!!

I needed it, more emotionally than physically. Physically I felt high, my veins were popping out of my arms! All the carbs, all the sugar!

But now I am done. That’s the key, recognize and then quickly move on (right Kathy?)

To Squeem or not to Squeem?

Squeem is the “Perfect Waist Cincher” or if you are wearing one right now you know it as sucks everything in and up or to the side, or some where who cares because my stomach is flat! I have used a squeem in the past, given to me by a friend to try. At first I didn’t like it, it was ok to wear but I only wore it to the gym and I think it was too small for me at the time so all I could think of was getting it off!!

I just bought a new one of my own and went to the infamous Suit Lady to be properly measured for it. And I was requested to wear it by my coach as much as possible, as per her instructions only take it off “when you do cardio and shower” – yes that means sleep in it!!

I would recommend though, if you are going to start wearing one, work up to the 20+hrs a day in it. I wear mine for as long as I can, take it off a few hours and then back on again. As for sleeping, so far I have gone about an hour longer each night before I wake up and unconsciously tearing it off and tossing it across the room!


Let’s get this party started!

Ok I have not been keeping my blog up to date! But I have been inspired by a good friend and fellow competitor who is blogging her contest prep. I am officially 9 weeks and 5 days out from my first figure competition – Sandra Wickham Fall Classic 2014 – Nov 8, 2014.

I started with my coach back in March and we started with “off season” prep. It was pretty basic and life was relatively “normal” for me. I have developed very good eating habits in the past few years so this was just another plan to stick to. From March to July I lost about 12lbs and 5.5% body fat. I wanted to start my prep in July around the same weight as I finished last year – around 165lbs. I came close but not quite there, however I believe I had a better look and more lean muscle than I did last year.



Long story short, stick with me over the next 9 weeks – this is going to be interesting!

It’s just been so busy!

I am still here, I am still pushing on! I am doing really well 8 weeks into training and 12 weeks to go until prep starts.

I am also focusing right now on my up coming Ride to Conquer Cancer from Vancouver to Seattle. I completed this event back in 2011 the year before I had my son.


As you can see a lot has changed since then 😉

More updates to come soon! Thanks for following along with me!

Hump Day – March 19, 2014 – Day 11

Well, it is coming up on the end of Day 11 and the best advice I was given, was take it “day by day”. And tonight I thought, I just have to get through a few more hours and then it is off to bed and a new day starts. Not, oh my gosh I have 200+ days and 8 months of “dieting”, no that is not the point and I am not dieting. I am trying to be the healthiest me I can be, one day at a time.

This is a true test of one’s mind, I have spend 30+ years doing things one way, change is not going to happen over night. This has already been a 19 month journey for me, I can get through a day 🙂

But seriously, I can taste my egg white pancakes topped with blueberries, Almond Butter and SF pancake syrup already! LOL! I am going to bed now – good night!

Evening Ritual


I am currently using Pump-HD for my pre-workout, it has BCAA in it so I don’t need to add it but I do add 2 scoops of Glutamine. I have BCAA and Glutamine 3x a day (morning, lunch, before bed). During my workout I have either just water or crystal light.

Off to bed I go, it’s legs tomorrow at 5am!