Some habits are harder than others

They say it takes 21 days to create a habit. How many days does it take to break one?

I have been on a rollercoaster since my debut Figure show November 8, 2014. As you have probably seen the sporadic, emotional, nonsense posts. Start and stop, start and stop. Which is why I come back to, how many days does it take to break a habit?

My habit is/was sticking to an eating plan. Journaling my food, and training with a coach. I have been decent at journaling but it is what my coach wants to see, not the in between snacks, the BLT’s as I call them. BLT’s = Bites, Licks and Tastes 🙂

In the last two weeks, I have decided not to train for a show in May. I have quit working with my coach (temporary) and I have gone off the friggin’ rails! I wake up every morning telling myself, today is the day. I will eat properly, according to my “off season” meal plan. I will take my off season seriously, and I will get back on track. But for me it only takes one thing, and then I give myself permission to throw away the rest of the day.

I don’t have a middle right now, only extreme left and right. But I am going to learn the middle.

It takes 21 days to create a habit. I am starting it today, this post Day 1 of 21.


Ready set, change

“Change is not merely necessary to life – it is life.” Alvin Toffler

I love change; I seek it and embrace it. It is evident in all aspects of my life. It has formed who I am, and will continue to help me grow.

They say all good things come in 3’s, well I have 3 changes coming up…

New job
New house
New competition to train for

Wish me luck!

‘Twas the night before, before Christmas

I wrote this a few days ago, and I was honestly afraid to post it. But now maybe because it is New Years Eve, I need to get over it. I need to get over my fears.

“Stop and Remember: Whatever is going on in your mind, you are attracting.”

So, with that said I am not attracting the negative. I am done with extremes and I am ready to move on. Here is my post from the other night. Enjoy!

I have so much to say but don’t know where to start…bullet points, that might work!

  • What a year!! Let’s be done with it 😉
  • Completed my first Figure Show
  • Hired a new coach, to do another show? I don’t know?
  • Went off the rails – LOL – yup!

Let’s go with the last point because that is the what is hitting me NOW! The days leading up the Christmas have gotten progressively worse. Everyday and extra bite of something. I had told my new coach (see third point) that I only know extremes – extreme highs and extreme lows – I don’t know where the middle of the road is. There is no grey in my life, just black and white.

She gave me a meal plan, and a workout plan for December. This is off season, no show in mind yet for 2015. We need to work on some areas and we are slowly increase my food and decreasing all the cardio.

The weeks leading up to my show, which was November 8, 2014, I was doing 1hr20mins cardio and my carbs and fats were at a record low. I was doing what I though was needed to get me on stage. And I did, I stepped on stage that day very proud of my accomplishments! I didn’t have a care in the world, 1st, 5th or 10th it didn’t matter. It was the experience backstage, on stage and the Boston Pizza foodathon that followed. It was my Dad’s waffles for breakfast the next day and candy and pizza and whatever I wanted.

Is that the way it should be done, no probably not but I didn’t care – I had put in the work for 16 weeks to get myself down to a record low of 145lbs and 12% body fat. Never in my life had I felt so small, but so powerful. I felt beautiful and ugly at the same time. It was, and still is a whirl win of emotions.

So, what brings me to today? I just feel huge, and I haven’t even had Christmas dinner. But I can’t stop myself. It is like this is the last time I will have these items that I am craving?!? I am having a hard time allowing myself little pleasures, I just resort to extremes.

I have come full circle

It was a year ago today that I received an email from my (now former) boss to see her first thing Monday morning when I arrived. I had no idea what was about to happen. I could never imagined the hell I would go through that day, the next day and the months that followed.

Fast forward a year, Nov 30, 2014 – WOW – what I have accomplished over the last year. First I won the fight, then I landed on my feet. Quickly after I started to get serious about my training. I stayed focused for 9 months, focused on the journey, the stage, the process. I had my ups and downs, my highs and lows. But if I could get through this last year and end up a better, stronger person – I am unstoppable.

I don’t know what is next for me, but I like the feeling of choice and the ability to make a decision that best suits me. There will be more change in the next few months, but not forced change.

Dec 2, 2013 was one of the worst days of my life, but after they beat me down, but man did I GET UP!

Finally human

So I finally did it, I finally gave in, I lost control and then I gained it. I binged today.

I am going to share because I think it is important. This is a tough process. I am personally going through a lot right now between home, work and life. I am sure not more than the average person out there but for me it is not normal.

I have been told by a few people, in the nicest way possible, that I am emotion less. I am very black and white, no room for grey. So when I do show stress it is real.

I had a talk with my husband last night and we decided that I would postpone my first show until March. For a few reasons, but major is the stress. I don’t need added stress right now. We just put our house up for sale and it is going to be a stressful time. So don’t take away my carbs!!

But then after meeting with my coach this morning she reminded me of how far I have come, and how close I am. I am 6 weeks out! I have been working with her since March of this year so yes I have come a long way!

But full circle, why then did I binge today?!? I felt out of control, and when you start with one bite, then two it ends up you are shoving things in your mouth you don’t even want!!

I needed it, more emotionally than physically. Physically I felt high, my veins were popping out of my arms! All the carbs, all the sugar!

But now I am done. That’s the key, recognize and then quickly move on (right Kathy?)

Saje Crave Away

I LOVE the SAje Natural Wellness store! My sister-in-law introduced me last fall when we were downtown Vancouver. I had seen it before, but never been in one.

Now I own, 3 Nebulizers and a variety of difference essential oils. We use one in our master bedroom, one in the kitchen and another in my son’s bedroom.

The last time I was in, I came across a new product that I hadn’t seen before. Crave Away which is an essential oil that helps to deal with food cravings – Sign me UP!

“A wholistic way to transform your relationship with food and support balanced eating habits. Inhale deeply an essential oil blend of pleasant food aromas to signal contentment to the brain and satiation to the body. The sweet aroma of benzoin and the licorice spice fragrance of fennel blend to calm the nervous system, minimize emotional eating, and prevent overindulgence.”

I smells amazing, and I now keep it in my purse so that I can grab it quick and inhale deeply when I feel a craving coming on. You can also dab a bit on your wrist, and smell when needed – I do this in the car 🙂IMG_4214



7w 1d – let the mind games begin!

It has been a weird week, I was explaining to a friend of mine this morning that I have been coming home after work and questioning if I cheated on my meal plan that day?!? I have to stop and really think about it. I know I didn’t but my mind is playing tricks on me. I have been taking a break from the office daily to grab a coffee, or go for a drive and every time I think – hmm I should get a treat. One cookie, doughnut or pack of Twizzlers is not going to kill me. I don’t act on these thoughts, I order my black coffee and go but for some reason my brain thinks maybe I did!

Each time I have these thoughts, I make a choice. My choice is not to give into my temptations. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, I am not depriving myself of food – no one needs doughnuts. I choose to fill myself up with vegetables, protein and good carbs.



There is a lot going on in my life right now, between work and home. We have decided to sell our house in the middle of my prep, smart – probably not but it is time and needs to be done. Will it throw off my prep? Maybe! But I will try my best not to let it. I will keep focused on my prep and hopefully everything else will fall into place. This show gives me something to focus on, to take my mind away from all the realities of life. Because I know that what I am doing is not reality, it is a dream. A dream that will come true, but then fade away.