It can be a slippery slope

Tonight feels like it could go sideways. Not too sure why. Good workout this morning, got my cardio in and busy but productive day at work.

Finished dinner – Kale salad with tuna, tomatoes, cranberries, seeds and little bit of poppyseed dressing – and I still feel like something sweet. Pull out ketchup crispy minis, ok not sweet but carbs. Had a few handfuls. Still searching, raisins sure! Let’s “fill up” my sons 1/4 empty bin πŸ˜‰ handful, few more, close the lid. But this is how it starts, little bits of things.

My husband is heading downstairs with my son leaving me in the kitchen alone. Dangerous. I have to do a little cooking tonight for the rest of the week. I made a coffee, almond milk latte actually with a bit of chocolate protein powder, ah this is satisfaction!

And I write about it, of my fingers are typing I certainly can’t be eating too πŸ˜‰

My view

IMG_5449

Advertisements

‘Twas the night before, before Christmas

I wrote this a few days ago, and I was honestly afraid to post it. But now maybe because it is New Years Eve, I need to get over it. I need to get over my fears.

“Stop and Remember: Whatever is going on in your mind, you are attracting.”

So, with that said I am not attracting the negative. I am done with extremes and I am ready to move on. Here is my post from the other night. Enjoy!


I have so much to say but don’t know where to start…bullet points, that might work!

  • What a year!! Let’s be done with it πŸ˜‰
  • Completed my first Figure Show
  • Hired a new coach, to do another show? I don’t know?
  • Went off the rails – LOL – yup!

Let’s go with the last point because that is the what is hitting me NOW! The days leading up the Christmas have gotten progressively worse. Everyday and extra bite of something. I had told my new coach (see third point) that I only know extremes – extreme highs and extreme lows – I don’t know where the middle of the road is. There is no grey in my life, just black and white.

She gave me a meal plan, and a workout plan for December. This is off season, no show in mind yet for 2015. We need to work on some areas and we are slowly increase my food and decreasing all the cardio.

The weeks leading up to my show, which was November 8, 2014, I was doing 1hr20mins cardio and my carbs and fats were at a record low. I was doing what I though was needed to get me on stage. And I did, I stepped on stage that day very proud of my accomplishments! I didn’t have a care in the world, 1st, 5th or 10th it didn’t matter. It was the experience backstage, on stage and the Boston Pizza foodathon that followed. It was my Dad’s waffles for breakfast the next day and candy and pizza and whatever I wanted.

Is that the way it should be done, no probably not but I didn’t care – I had put in the work for 16 weeks to get myself down to a record low of 145lbs and 12% body fat. Never in my life had I felt so small, but so powerful. I felt beautiful and ugly at the same time. It was, and still is a whirl win of emotions.

So, what brings me to today? I just feel huge, and I haven’t even had Christmas dinner. But I can’t stop myself. It is like this is the last time I will have these items that I am craving?!? I am having a hard time allowing myself little pleasures, I just resort to extremes.

I have come full circle

It was a year ago today that I received an email from my (now former) boss to see her first thing Monday morning when I arrived. I had no idea what was about to happen. I could never imagined the hell I would go through that day, the next day and the months that followed.

Fast forward a year, Nov 30, 2014 – WOW – what I have accomplished over the last year. First I won the fight, then I landed on my feet. Quickly after I started to get serious about my training. I stayed focused for 9 months, focused on the journey, the stage, the process. I had my ups and downs, my highs and lows. But if I could get through this last year and end up a better, stronger person – I am unstoppable.

I don’t know what is next for me, but I like the feeling of choice and the ability to make a decision that best suits me. There will be more change in the next few months, but not forced change.

Dec 2, 2013 was one of the worst days of my life, but after they beat me down, but man did I GET UP!

7w 1d – let the mind games begin!

It has been a weird week, I was explaining to a friend of mine this morning that I have been coming home after work and questioning if I cheated on my meal plan that day?!? I have to stop and really think about it. I know I didn’t but my mind is playing tricks on me. I have been taking a break from the office daily to grab a coffee, or go for a drive and every time I think – hmm I should get a treat. One cookie, doughnut or pack of Twizzlers is not going to kill me. I don’t act on these thoughts, I order my black coffee and go but for some reason my brain thinks maybe I did!

Each time I have these thoughts, I make a choice. My choice is not to give into my temptations. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, I am not depriving myself of food – no one needs doughnuts. I choose to fill myself up with vegetables, protein and good carbs.

36e0ca429403b9cf786c536d3b068b41

 

There is a lot going on in my life right now, between work and home. We have decided to sell our house in the middle of my prep, smart – probably not but it is time and needs to be done. Will it throw off my prep? Maybe! But I will try my best not to let it. I will keep focused on my prep and hopefully everything else will fall into place. This show gives me something to focus on, to take my mind away from all the realities of life. Because I know that what I am doing is not reality, it is a dream. A dream that will come true, but then fade away.

 

Fast approaching 8 weeks

At night is when I question this process the most. I guess because I have time to think about it.

Normally, my day is so busy, I focus more on remembering to eat than think about the why? I don’t question so much the program, the workouts, food or supplements; after all I go to reputable people who have been in this industry for 20+ years and I trust them. I think it is “how is my body going to get there in that amount of time?

I am approaching 8 weeks out from competition and to some that sounds like a long time; 8 weeks, 2 months, 60 days. A lot can happen in that time! I think what I have learned so far is that it goes in waves, highs, lows and plateaus. Your body either reacts or it doesn’t. If it doesn’t you change, modify and continue on.

I am so curious to see what the next 8 weeks brings and what my “package” will look like.