It can be a slippery slope

Tonight feels like it could go sideways. Not too sure why. Good workout this morning, got my cardio in and busy but productive day at work.

Finished dinner – Kale salad with tuna, tomatoes, cranberries, seeds and little bit of poppyseed dressing – and I still feel like something sweet. Pull out ketchup crispy minis, ok not sweet but carbs. Had a few handfuls. Still searching, raisins sure! Let’s “fill up” my sons 1/4 empty bin 😉 handful, few more, close the lid. But this is how it starts, little bits of things.

My husband is heading downstairs with my son leaving me in the kitchen alone. Dangerous. I have to do a little cooking tonight for the rest of the week. I made a coffee, almond milk latte actually with a bit of chocolate protein powder, ah this is satisfaction!

And I write about it, of my fingers are typing I certainly can’t be eating too 😉

My view

‘Twas the night before, before Christmas

I wrote this a few days ago, and I was honestly afraid to post it. But now maybe because it is New Years Eve, I need to get over it. I need to get over my fears.

“Stop and Remember: Whatever is going on in your mind, you are attracting.”

So, with that said I am not attracting the negative. I am done with extremes and I am ready to move on. Here is my post from the other night. Enjoy!

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I have so much to say but don’t know where to start…bullet points, that might work!

• What a year!! Let’s be done with it 😉
• Completed my first Figure Show
• Hired a new coach, to do another show? I don’t know?
• Went off the rails – LOL – yup!

Let’s go with the last point because that is the what is hitting me NOW! The days leading up the Christmas have gotten progressively worse. Everyday and extra bite of something. I had told my new coach (see third point) that I only know extremes – extreme highs and extreme lows – I don’t know where the middle of the road is. There is no grey in my life, just black and white.

She gave me a meal plan, and a workout plan for December. This is off season, no show in mind yet for 2015. We need to work on some areas and we are slowly increase my food and decreasing all the cardio.

The weeks leading up to my show, which was November 8, 2014, I was doing 1hr20mins cardio and my carbs and fats were at a record low. I was doing what I though was needed to get me on stage. And I did, I stepped on stage that day very proud of my accomplishments! I didn’t have a care in the world, 1st, 5th or 10th it didn’t matter. It was the experience backstage, on stage and the Boston Pizza foodathon that followed. It was my Dad’s waffles for breakfast the next day and candy and pizza and whatever I wanted.

Is that the way it should be done, no probably not but I didn’t care – I had put in the work for 16 weeks to get myself down to a record low of 145lbs and 12% body fat. Never in my life had I felt so small, but so powerful. I felt beautiful and ugly at the same time. It was, and still is a whirl win of emotions.

So, what brings me to today? I just feel huge, and I haven’t even had Christmas dinner. But I can’t stop myself. It is like this is the last time I will have these items that I am craving?!? I am having a hard time allowing myself little pleasures, I just resort to extremes.

I have come full circle

It was a year ago today that I received an email from my (now former) boss to see her first thing Monday morning when I arrived. I had no idea what was about to happen. I could never imagined the hell I would go through that day, the next day and the months that followed.

Fast forward a year, Nov 30, 2014 – WOW – what I have accomplished over the last year. First I won the fight, then I landed on my feet. Quickly after I started to get serious about my training. I stayed focused for 9 months, focused on the journey, the stage, the process. I had my ups and downs, my highs and lows. But if I could get through this last year and end up a better, stronger person – I am unstoppable.

I don’t know what is next for me, but I like the feeling of choice and the ability to make a decision that best suits me. There will be more change in the next few months, but not forced change.

Dec 2, 2013 was one of the worst days of my life, but after they beat me down, but man did I GET UP!

Vision Board

 

My vision board speaks to a lot of different aspects of my life. It sits in my closet and I look at it everyday.

“Maintain your Balance” – Something that is a constant struggle for me

“A Healthy You” – My life since my son was born 25 months ago, both physically and mentally

“Homemade Chills and Thrills” – I love creating, I love being in the kitchen

“We’re in it Together” – My husband and I are a team, we are pushed but almost 13 years later we still stand

Have you ever created a vision board? Try it out and see where your mind takes you.

Hump Day – March 19, 2014 – Day 11

Well, it is coming up on the end of Day 11 and the best advice I was given, was take it “day by day”. And tonight I thought, I just have to get through a few more hours and then it is off to bed and a new day starts. Not, oh my gosh I have 200+ days and 8 months of “dieting”, no that is not the point and I am not dieting. I am trying to be the healthiest me I can be, one day at a time.

This is a true test of one’s mind, I have spend 30+ years doing things one way, change is not going to happen over night. This has already been a 19 month journey for me, I can get through a day 🙂

But seriously, I can taste my egg white pancakes topped with blueberries, Almond Butter and SF pancake syrup already! LOL! I am going to bed now – good night!

Motivation – What is it? How do you get it?

Well according to Wikipedia – “Motivation is a psychological feature that induces an organism to act towards a desired goal and elicits, controls, and sustains certain goal-directed behaviors. It can be considered a driving force; a psychological one that compels or reinforces an action toward a desired goal. For example, hunger is a motivation that elicits a desire to eat.”

I am in desperate need of this psychological feature!

I am out of my comfort zone right now. I am trying to be a little of everything; stay-at-home mom, wife, gym goer, job seeker and there has to be time for me in there as well.

I am finding that I start out good 6/7 days, get up early hit the gym, come home have a good breakfast but then as soon as my day starts to go sideways I go to food. And then, I think “ah, I will just start again tomorrow!” But tomorrow could be 21lbs+ or 28lbs+ every day I stall or use an excuse I am further away from becoming a happy, healthy me.